by Maude Leroux | Jul 6, 2016 | Parenting
“I am the great big wizard and I will change you into a tiny little mouse and you will go into the cave and live there forever!! And I will never, ever let you see anyone again!” So saying Gregory picks up his stick, turns so his cape could swirl, waves his hand and the deed is done. I am now forever to be a mouse dwelling in a cave. Anyone looking into our session would know we were having fun, but also wonder how this could contribute to his development overall. Critics of the world of play for children believe that though it is fun it is taking valuable time away from learning the essentials in life and children should be learning, not playing. But what if you are learning and playing at the same time?
Play is the work of the child; it is a childhood occupation. Gregory’s first objective was to learn about the props he was using, the different features and how to apply this to function. While this would really help in his essays one day, he is also building his descriptive language around different objects at the same time. As he plays out longer and longer sequences of play, he is learning to stay on task, to engage in one topic at a time, to build language around this topic, while also figuring out the sequential aspects of a story. These are really important building blocks for building sustained attention to task, a much needed skill for academics one day.
Embed from Getty Images
When Gregory reaches out to play with me or with his parent or peer, he is learning the art of conversational turn taking. He has to share his plan, and has to field our interference to his plan and find his way around the obstacles we can present, causing him to become a problem solver and needing to consider the needs of others. He has to develop empathy and insight into the perspective of others, a really important building block for social skills, but also building the ability to work in a group, to be a part of a team and to see the value of working towards a common goal. Gregory is also learning to stand his ground and to use the language he needs to explain why his plan would work better. Self-assertiveness is a skill not easily taught any other way.
Play allows for a world where mistakes can be made and easily forgiven or corrected. You can die and be resurrected, no big deal! It allows for plots of sequences that trains his young mind to form a story with a beginning, middle and end, another important building block for language organization and reading comprehension. He learns to use his visual space and construct his play from scenes in his mind that is now represented in imaginary play. He learns to visualize what is not visually available in front of him, which helps him to develop drawing, and later, reading and writing. Visualization is also very important for math, as would be following the correct sequences to obtain your end result. In play you learn to “see” the end goal and plan towards it, developing your ability to remain goal persistent.
It is simply easier to work difficult things out in play rather than real life and it is very clear that when a child has missed these essential building blocks in play, it is more difficult for them to consider social nuances in conversation with others
Play is the best place for Gregory to figure out the hard things in life. When his grandpa died, he was able to work it out in play scenes, trying to figure how it could be that you could never, ever see a favorite person again. He could work out the fear of what would happen if his mommy should die. He fends off wolves and tigers as he learns to handle threat and feel strong enough to overcome adversities. He puts himself in authoritative positions over others as he figures out authority in his life and what this means for him and his growing sense of self. Where does he stop and where does his mommy start? How come she gets to call the shots when he so wants to play outside just a little longer? Growing from self-centeredness to an “others centeredness” curbs the rigidity and need for control in all circumstances. You can more readily give up your external control once you realize that your inner control is still intact.
Embed from Getty Images
It is simply easier to work difficult things out in play rather than real life and it is very clear that when a child has missed these essential building blocks in play, it is more difficult for them to consider social nuances in conversation with others, they lack practical problem-solving skills that they can apply to the facts and figures they know. They have a far more difficult time with reading comprehension even when they develop a great vocabulary and language. Last, but not least, they learn the essential executive functioning skills that so many older students struggle with today. The ability to develop a plan to organize yourself in a timely manner through the different tasks you have to negotiate all start with play.
It is sad to hear adults say that play is a waste of time, especially in the face of developmental delay. We have to catch up time to decrease the delay therefore we should not spend so much time in play, they say. Besides it does not feel like you are working when you are playing right? No, this is wrong, play is the work of the child and we are allowed to have fun while learning these crucial elements that set the foundation for us later in life.
Let Us Play!
by Maude Leroux | May 25, 2016 | Parenting
We all want to have children who have great self-esteem and the ability to assertively stand their ground in face of conflict and challenge. To be able to view change as an exciting adventure with something new to gain from, is a wonderful goal and leads to increased self-exploration with increased application of new knowledge. But we do not always have this. So many books to read, each with their own opinion. I want to pose 5 points for you to ponder about and then provide you with 10 action items that will support you in your goal of achieving this feat.
- Self-esteem is driven from inside each one of us. The earlier building block in development is called intrinsic motivation. We are hardwired from the beginning of life to propel ourselves forward in development and this need for growth comes from deep within us.
- Children are not born telling the world they will have a self-esteem problem, but rather they are born with an innate need to connect with people, to have relationships, and to want to please others.
- Children are more motivated with their own sense of success and will naturally gravitate towards repeating a successful action in order to affirm this in the nervous system, translating this to good mental health and well being.
- Atypically developing children will shy away from new and novel experiences that could provide the very success they seek. In order to compensate, they may become rigid, controlling or “selfish”. This is an attempt to self protect, to preserve self-integrity, albeit not very successful.
- Our words do not always matter. Children know when we are patronizing them and saying: “You are such a smart girl!” unfortunately does not go far in building self-esteem. Once children feel the accomplishment in the body and mind, triggered by their own action, they can feel a sense of pride that will support the careful building of self-esteem.
Be careful to not give your child the subconscious message that you are doing this for her, because you do not trust her to do it for herself. A well-meaning gesture out of love might be the very thing that “robs” the child from the very experiences they need in order to feel accomplished.
What do we do then or… What do we not do?
- Think problem solving! Create problems on every day familiar tasks for them to solve. Have fun in being “dumb” and playful at the same time. It does not work if you start with new and novel tasks, but use familiarity to ease the child into this process.
- Validate each small success through praising the exact action and not stating a generic “good job”! The specificity of your comment will assist in helping the child to “own” the action and therefore find a willingness to repeat it.
- Be more observant of your child. Catch them doing things “right” or trying something new and validate the action. Especially when your child is non-verbal it is so easy to miss the cues when we are not watching.
- Do not over focus on extrinsic rewards as this comes later and we certainly all appreciate a reward for a job well done (our paycheck for example). But this is not how we develop self-esteem. This has to come from a sense of prowess within. The athlete receives the medal, but “owns” all the hard work it took to get to this achievement and knows it would be because of this alone, that he could achieve this again. The medal clinches the acclaim, but the hard work ensures the self-esteem.
- If you have an atypically developing child, you may find yourself wanting to protect your child from more times of difficulty and you may be doing for her what she may become capable of doing for herself. Be careful to not give your child the subconscious message that you are doing this for her, because you do not trust her to do it for herself. A well-meaning gesture out of love might be the very thing that “robs” the child from the very experiences they need in order to feel accomplished.
- When you praise your child, do not make too much eye contact and be-labor the praise thinking that the more you say, the more the child’s self esteem will grow. The opposite is far more frequently the truth. Just giving a passing comment, letting her know you had noticed and a warm smile of encouragement and faith in her abilities will speak far more to the child than effusive praise.
- Do not go into problem-solving mode when you or your child is rushed for time and anxiety tinges the situation. It has to be playful and inviting, so take note about when to use this action.
- When your child is in distress and feeling particularly stressed, it may also not be the best time to go into problem solving mode. Then it would be best to go into emotional mode and validate the child’s frustration or expression of emotion.
- Be sure of your child’s developmental level so as to ensure that you are not expecting a performance demand that is two steps higher than current level of accomplishment. This will create the very anxiety and avoidance behavior that we wish to not see.
- Always keep in mind that your child is a growing mind and body. The nervous system requires successful experiences to build the motivation to try again. Be in tune with your child as much possible, though also allow yourself the time to simply be and take care of yourself as well.
If you have any questions or comments, please post in comments section. Also, please post if another thought came to mind that you would like to hear my thoughts about.
by Maude Leroux | May 11, 2016 | Autism Spectrum Disorder
We were sitting at an IEP meeting at Eric’s school. The discussion was amiable and the goals were being discussed. Everyone agreed that Eric has come far with the combination of his school, clinic and home program. Jokes were shared about events of the past and we felt pleased that he was really moving along. Eric was included in a regular peer setting for half of his day and pull out services for especially language and reading was part of his program. I suggested a goal for conversational turn taking with two-way communication, stretching his circles of communication into longer continual discourse. One of the team members looked at me and exclaimed in a surprised tone: “But Maude, Eric has Autism?!”
What is it about a diagnosis that makes people feel we have to “stop” somewhere and not expect anything more? The evidence of growth was clear-cut in Eric’s case and he was doing well. Why not expect more of him? Do we even think what would happen to Eric’s life goals one day in becoming self sufficient if he could not partake socially? What if it were their son or daughter?
Embed from Getty Images
I have witnessed so many children move on with their lives despite their diagnosis. Of course the diagnosis is kept in mind, but we design intervention based on who the child is and what constitutes the child’s strengths and weaknesses. Any child is so much more than a “score” or a diagnosis. Development demands that the child be considered a growing psyche, a growing sense of self. If we take it upon ourselves to stunt this growth, to pit our “knowledge” against the development of the child, we would still be in the age where autism was regarded as a product of “refrigerator mothers”! How far have we not come in the last decades in our understanding of the different shades of Autism? How can we at any moment think that we have now reached the “limits” to any child’s Autism?
What is it about a diagnosis that makes people feel we have to “stop” somewhere and not expect anything more?
There is also a current trend that is totally enamored by autistic-like behaviors. We look at a child’s behaviors through our lens of what is considered appropriate in our social context and this is true, we have to draw a comparison in order to decide on the right goals. But for some this thinking is taking it to another level. They view the child’s behavior as “proof” of his diagnosis; as a feature that should be extinguished because it does not suit us in the “typical” world, as if the child’s total reason behind these behaviors would simply be because they insist on looking different and it is “willful”. Of course we want to decrease the necessity of these behaviors, but in order to do this we have to understand why.
A child’s behavior is their communication to us what they cannot communicate in words. If they are flapping their hands they might be trying to have quick access into the vestibular system in order to find their bodies in space. If they are finger flicking in front of their eyes, they might want to access movement in their brain through visual stimulation. There could be many reasons behind the behaviors and I find it quite disrespectful of any human being to be considered as an entity whose very communication, due to a diagnosis, by the way, with known strong etiology, is going to have to be “extinguished”. To me it diminishes the child and his growing psyche within.
Yes, we have to pave the way to clearer and more effective communication, but to do this we need to turn to development and rebuild the building blocks that were missed to the furthest extent possible in order to give children such as Eric the best chance to overcome the many obstacles in his path. To do this we have to understand Eric and move into his world, so we could find the link to draw him out to our world is a way that would be non-threatening as well as being respectful.
One last thought I have is to think about how many professionals I have come across who still think that kids like Eric, due to their diagnosis, do not need to relate with others, that he somehow does not need people in his life and that this makes him “happy”. There is not a human being in this world that does not want to connect and that is not hardwired from utero to want to connect. I have found the most marvelous connections with children of any diagnosis, but especially Autism, and we are making a mistake to think differently. So many times we prefer to think what we think, not raising the bar when we should, due to the limitations we put on ourselves in not knowing how to intervene or plan the next move. It becomes easier to simply believe it can not be done, otherwise we have to figure out how and why.
Maude’s book,” Our Greatest Allies”, co-authored by Lauren O’Malley, is available on Amazon and Kindle and relates the journey of her intervention, while it also depicts the journey of his family.
by Maude Leroux | Apr 25, 2016 | Reading
Suzie was sitting next to her favorite teacher reading some passages of a story together. More often than not, her teacher interrupted her process requesting of her to reread a word. Suzie was becoming anxious. She knew that this was not without reason, something about what she sounded out was “wrong”. She really wanted to please her teacher, but she saw what she saw and heard what she heard in her mind’s ear. To help herself in the situation, she looked at the word again and took a guess she hoped was going to be the right one.
So many children and adults struggle to overcome the reading process. Reading is about the ability to use your senses in a coordinated manner to make use of symbols you see on paper. The technique for acquiring reading skill that is still mostly used in school systems is repetition at your own pace. If you repeat the same patterns long enough, you will only achieve the compensation your brain has to make in order to cope with the reading and not necessarily gain the ease of decoding that will lead to fluency.
Embed from Getty Images
In order to read a symbol, we have to first be able to see it. Suzie might be having difficulty with ocular scanning, or she might have difficulty appreciating the black and white contrast on the page (a form of visual hypersensitivity), or she might be seeing distorted images that are not stable to her and same symbols never quite look the same to her, to name a few. We do not know how Suzie uses her eyes in order to perceive the symbol. And she does not know to tell us because she assumes our vision would be the same as hers and we are seeing what she sees. The teacher does not know that no amount of repeating is going to change what Suzie sees unless she could find a way to use rote memory which will never gain reading fluency, not attract Suzie ever to pick up a book to read for pleasure.
When we insist on repetition of broken patterns of reading, we are only reinforcing what is not there, causing the very compensations we do not want to see.
It might be that Suzie can see the symbols quite well, but she has difficulty sounding out the word. The world of phonics is a large one and teachers do spend a great amount of time in early grades on phonics, which is truly a great work. The trouble is that you can only speak what you can hear. If Suzie is having difficulty assimilating sound in her inner ear, she might not be hearing the same sound that the teacher is pronouncing. Think of when we are trying to communicate in a foreign country and we are trying to pronounce the foreign language, but we simply cannot get the sound out. I think you get the idea, but this is what the world sounds like every day for a kid like Suzie. And once again, she has no idea that she is not listening in the same way to the same sound and therefore it is very hard to commit to memory and to use fluently. No amount of phonics repetition can replace that the auditory system does not perceive sound the same way as the sound projected.
But let’s say that Suzie can see and hear adequately. Keith Raynor’s research stated that good readers see about 11 to 18 character letters at a time and the phonics kicks in between 5 to 20 milliseconds later. We are talking split second timing now. If the visual and auditory system is not timed together, there is no way of gaining the fluency you need for reading.
Reading is complex, but it is also developmental. If we ignore the developmental aspect, we have to make too many assumptions that may simply not be true. When we insist on repetition of broken patterns of reading, we are only reinforcing what is not there, causing the very compensations we do not want to see.
by Maude Leroux | Mar 20, 2016 | Autism Spectrum Disorder, Executive Functioning Skills, Parenting, Praxis, Programs, Reading, Social Skills
For many years now I wanted to create a space for parents, therapists, teachers and psychologists to come together and discuss functional difficulties in the light of development. In our world today, the focus has shifted to more and more productivity and though I also believe being productive is a good goal, I really want to support the process to get to that goal. What does this mean? Simply that if a child understands the sequence of how to accomplish something and can execute it, the product will always be there.
Too much emphasis is being placed on behavior, when in reality the child’s behavior is a communication to us. We have to try to understand why a child chooses a specific behavior in a certain circumstance. At my trainings, I usually repeat the following statement a number of times: “If a child could, he/she would”. Once any one of us feels successful at something, we wish to repeat it again because it feels so good. The only reason we avoid certain activities is because that “feeling good” is absent or elusive and we have to find a way out of the situation.
Too much emphasis is being placed on behavior, when in reality the child’s behavior is a communication to us.
In this blog, we can cover a multitude of discussions on a variety of different topics. We can discuss modalities such as DIR/Floortime or Sound Therapy, but we are also going to be practical and discuss different behaviors and what to do about them. We can discuss the brain and what does a child need in order to achieve academically. How do we read and write? How do I get my great ideas out on written expression? How do we pace ourselves through an activity and know how much we can accomplish in a certain time? How do we mobilize a child to the next level of functioning? I will welcome case discussions and discuss sensory processing development alongside emotional processing development. Diagnosis is necessary, but not considered the most important aspect of every child. We can discuss kids on the autism spectrum; though also discuss children with Down syndrome, Cerebral Palsy, and yet other categories such as reading and learning disorders. What I do not know, we can research together, but the importance would lie in that we tie in theory with practice and be helpful in providing everyone ideas to collaborate upon.
I travel a lot to train others; so do not despair if sometimes I do not respond immediately. I will be there most of the time quite quickly, unless travel causes a delay in my response time. I would also like to make this blog about you. Your questions, your suggestions are going to spearhead the next pieces of information, so please comment, ask your questions. Together we can create a forum that would support all of us as a collective group.
So welcome again and let the games begin!
Maude
Recent Comments