More than a testimonial, this story captures the true essence of change from within.

I was digging through piles of unopened mail from our office during Covid19, when I came upon a thicker than normal envelope. I opened the envelope and two pictures tumbled out of a very lovely young lady that looked vaguely familiar. I let out a gasp of lovely surprise to discover that Nadia had graduated from College during May 2020! Memories came flooding back of working with my very first autistic girl in my private practice. 

I remember her mother and father very fondly and in those early years; I had no physical center and was driving from home to home in a red VW bug with my equipment lugged in the back of the two-door car. Nadia had a little sister and when I drove up to their house, both of their faces would be pressed against the living room window waiting for me to arrive. I was always welcomed by mom, Brenda, and though Nadia was anticipating my visit, she shied back behind her mom each time I entered the house. I would put the equipment down, take my shoes off and leave Nadia to go through my bags to find what I brought, while I spoke to mom. We worked long and hard on engagement, gaining her trust and working in her home helped her to let go of the “fight and flight” a little easier.

A funny memory that I often recall in my trainings, was when we were playing with a tunnel one day and she refused for me to have a turn in the tunnel. She did not speak much in those early years and I lamented in a whiney voice that I really wanted to go through the tunnel too. I can still see her cute little face scrunching up and looking at me exasperatedly. Finally, she found words: “You are too fat!” Brenda was mortified; I was elated! She did not say “because”, but this was my first inkling that she was capable of reasoning! 

My husband built me a center in our first home living in the US. We transitioned her therapy to the center. I was so excited for her to come to my center and being a girlie-girl myself, I went out to purchase an entire Cinderella playset with blue castle and all. This was one of her favorite stories and I positioned it just as she came into the door. She had to see it. I so wanted her to get into more robust pretend play to engage her abstract thinking and thought process. As she came into the door, she picked up a “wrapper-snapper”, an accordion like plastic tube that could be pulled out to lengthen, then be scrunched back to shorten again. Nadia never even looked at my castle, and we proceeded to have a two-hour session of  more “wrapper snappers” that became snakes living in caves, with monsters and bears instead. I discovered that day that I can have the best intentions as the adult, but in a safe relationship, when we follow the child’s lead, the child will forge her own way into developing where she needs it. It was not my Cinderella castle, but we were doing the “pretend”; working on emotions that was hard for her and therefore her focus: fears and anxiety. I was facilitating, but she was teaching me. 

Nadia was an extremely picky eater and one summer we arranged a “lunch bunch” at her home every Wednesday afternoon with the neighborhood kids. We wanted to create the social atmosphere that food brings to an event and work on peer relations in the process as well. Brenda’s house was always immaculately clean, but she was game to enter the world of playing with food, messing up her kitchen and allowing each child a “spit bucket” that should they try any food they do not like, they were allowed to spit it out. We had food everywhere, on our faces, in our hair and the kids were having loads of fun. Nadia was quiet and did join in, did smile, but not once in the entire summer did she put a new food in her mouth during these sessions. Brenda called me about the fourth week in, later that afternoon, stating that Nadia put a pretzel in her mouth the first time. Once again, we learnt we could facilitate, but change was going to happen on Nadia’s terms! 

There are many memories with Nadia and a blog has only so much space. Perhaps allow me one more memory of an incident right before she exited our program. Brenda asked me to do a final school observation. I remember feeling so warm inside myself as I noted that no one would be able to discern her as being “different” from her peers. She blended in and followed instructions, even if she was quiet compared to her peers. Her teacher was smiling at me and I smiled back, both of us quite proud of her. I followed along as the class left for recess. She ran out to the playground with the others and in the process ran past another girl sitting by herself on playground equipment. While everyone else was rushing into the fields, Nadia stopped, went back to the other girl and asked: “Are you lonely? Do you want to play?” My heart swelled as I witnessed a precious moment of the girl she has become; a compassionate, warm young lady with empathy for others. I cried on my way back to the center and once I collected myself, I called Brenda, related the story and we both knew it was time to let go.

Now, she has graduated and is facing life with an independent spirit, still negotiating the troubles and relationships of this life, though with joy and fullness, able to show her intelligence and her empathy. Nadia taught me. My early ventures into DIR/Floortime was with her, and together with her lovely mom, dad and sister, she was able to work through fragmented pathways and become a beautiful young lady with a future shining bright before her. I am so grateful to have been a part of her process; her journey and I wish her many more happy years to come.

 Congratulations, Nadia!